It's a rollercoaster...

I miss rollercoasters. I don't go on them much, but I love them. The nephew asked a few weeks ago if I could go on one with him. I guess he figured that since he can't jump on me, that I can't do rollercoasters either. Sadly, I had to tell him no, not until the baby is born. He looked bummed. Tell me about it, kid.

Instead, I get to ride my own personal one. High emotions over working on turning my cluddered office into a sweet looking baby room. Thanks to Cinnamon & the hubby's friend, Dan, we have a crib & dresser in the room. Cinnamon also finished the curtain for the baby's closet. High emotions like Friday night - after the hubby cancelled on me (he's a little under the weather), Cinnamon got to be my last minute date to Dar. Dar was amazing, as usual. Ever her cute self! Making me cry at her songs (Iowa, The Babysitter, & After All) and laughing at her stories. Afterwards, Cinnamon & I met up with lizzieb for treats. She was a hoot to finally meet. She also said that she'd find a way to drag me to a Sox game later this summer. I think I shocked her when I said sure. Heck, the hubby's a Sox fan and has taken me to a game (or zillion) already. Spending time with a kewl chica like lizzeb is worth having to enter Sox Park. I am safer in my seats than on the field, right? ;-)

The low emotions...staring at my growing belly and thinking, my mom is missing all of this. A grrl really should have her mom with her during this time and I always thought I would. Even her flying in & out once every couple months would have satisfied me. But no, she's stuck in NC with a leg so sickened by diabetes it most likely will be amputated before I get to see her again. She sits at home in a depressed state, lying to me when I call & ask how she's doing. My sisters are emotionally cut off from me because of this as well. Even my father, who at first couldn't be happier, is shutting down on me after I read them all the riot act about lying to me. Well, fuck 'em is what I say. But in reality, I just cry.

I'm a trooper thou. I act like the emotionally stable daughter on the phone - I gotta be strong for my mom, right? I mean, the horror of me being selfish and telling my mom all of this would send my dad off a cliff. So I refocus on the high emotions...

The high I get while doing yoga - why didn't anyone tell me that before?
The high of watching the baby's face pop up on the ultrasound screen. (pics later & over at paris' crib)
The high of seeing Cinnamon's face light up when she felt Paris dancing to Dar.
The high of listening to the hubby read & talk to Paris.
The high of anticipation of Paris.
The high of imaging my life with Paris.
The high of graduation.

There are too many highs to let myself get too sad.

At least that's what I tell myself.

Please excuse the self-pity post.