Whose needs?

After seeing three pre-schools, I have come to the conclusion that I'm confused. Very confused. And here is what I am confused about. Whose needs am I looking to meet?

Are they mine? Am I looking for schools where Ella will have all the things that I wish I had grown up with? Ballet, ceramics, fiber arts, Spanish, and award winning teachers?

Or am I looking for things that I know that Ella should have?

Are those the same thing?

Then I'm posed with the issue of class and elitism. From K-6, I went to a school full of working-class and below kids. All of our families were pretty much the same. Mom and Dad worked hard just to put food on the table. But we all knew around 4th grade that we were destined to go to middle & high school with kids from upper class families.

Once there, the line between the haves and have-nots was pretty clear. The only mushy area were the kids from the (then) firmly middle-class suburb next door. They were richer than us, but not quite as rich as the kids from the hometown of the school. Then in the honors classes, it was almost all not kids I had grown up with. My homies and I were in such small number that we soon were spread so thin that it left us almost on our own in class. And thus, my circle of friends changed dramatically from 8th grade to 9th grade. So much so that one girl who was a great friend in 8th grade called me a whore in 9th grade.

But the issues that make me second guess putting Ella into a school where she'd be firmly middle class to a larger upper class community is access. What is the use of putting her into a school where she can do ballet on Monday, ceramics on Tuesday, Model UN on Wednesday, and so forth if we can't afford to pay for it all? And that's exactly what happened to me in high school.

I had the brains and, if I wanted, the time to do all sorts of other things. But I didn't because we couldn't afford it. As much as I was a color guard geek, I didn't make it to camp because even with a scholarship, I couldn't afford it. And I was too proud to admit it. Model UN? Dropped out as soon as I learned the bill. And I feel that there was a friend or 3 who didn't invite me to vacations or concerts because they knew or assumed that I couldn't afford it. Of course, that might just be my working-class paranoia at work too.

But do we put Ella into a situation where she can taste the frosting, but can never eat the cake? But at the same time can still get a wonderful education?

That's the question I need to answer for myself before we can make a decision for Ella. Not to mention that one school just reeks of snobs. *shudder*

I should add that I know that we'll be able to afford some programs where ever Ella ends up. But most certainly not all of them. Goodness, I think I've over thinking.