( 10:20 AM )
Hello everyone. I've been posting over at my other blog more the past few days, so I decided to post here for anyone who doesn't meander over to Goddess Musings. It's day +2 and it feels like day +200 waiting for Paris. I dunno what happened to me, but this morning I woke up with a feeling of dread and utter impatience over Paris. I just want Paris out now! *sigh*
Yesterday Paris ended up on my sciatic nerve and it hurt like bloody hell. It took about 30 mins to move Paris off and feel better, but I gotta tell ya, it was hard. It wasn't even that it hurt, as much as it was the first time I've had some real labor pain and neither the hubby or me were prepared. He didn't think it was that big of a deal and didn't take it very seriously. This of course caused me to feel even worse and pushed me into tears. Of course, that lead to him realizing how much I really needed him to help me thru this pain and well, made him feel bad. So it was a big icky mess at home last night.
But that's over, he knows now that when I say I need him, I fucking need him - and that's not the time to go change outta his work clothes. You gotta train men on everything, dontcha? *rolling eyes*
I have one more week until my midwives will induce and that week seems like forever. My contractions are coming, but nothing that would be called major. This is really depressing...in a way...that this baby just isn't coming out on its own. But then again, I have to keep telling myself that it's just one week. That's a lot of time in Paris time. I can only imagine how Paris will be once s/he gets out...always on its own schedule.
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( 2:06 PM )
The daddy-to-be is driving me nuts. He calls every few hours to ask if I've either had a contraction or felt Paris move. You'd think I'd call him if something big happen. Sheesh! And for those of you how don't know, us pregger chicks only get more bitchy as the lil one's time draws closer. So I have no idea why he keeps risking his life. Silly boy.
I do have to admit that last night I had 5 contrations. 2 about an hour apart, 2 about 30 mins apart, and then one in the middle of the night. Looks like Paris is starting to really get ready to come out. The funny thing is that Monday morning I woke up and Paris had dropped, meaning moved down towards the exit. Then over the course of the day, Paris moved back up! Paris retreated! Lil buggar. Since then it's been a lil down, a lil up...Must be thinking like its mom. Yes...no...ready...wait...
I am glad today's my last day at work. Tomorrow I shall put more Paris gifts away, veg out a bit, read something, and just hang out and wait. Ah...sounds like paradise. Watch Paris come tomorrow morning & blow my relaxing plans.
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( 1:13 PM )
My maternity leave begins on Thursday (unless Paris comes before that!) and I'm busy working on loose ends. I made a lil sign for my office door to let my students know that I'll be gone until October 1st. October 1st...gawd, that's not that long at all is it?
That means that October 1st Paris will start daycare full-time. I do plan to do a few hours for the first couple of days to get Paris use to me leaving and coming back. Not to mention get me use to it! One of my midwives asked me about work or daycare and I guess I looked a lil guilty when I said we found a great daycare. She just looked at me and said, "Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about going back to work."
Holly is pondering the idea that men don't have the same limits set upon them. It's true...I don't think anyone has asked the hubby if he's going back to work. I think people mostly ask if he'll take time off. It sucks.
It sucks that if he did take a lot of time off, he'd look like a freak. It sucks that fab moms like Holly are made to think they are terrible moms if they don't want to stay home.
When coming to a conclusion about going back to work I factor in a few things: 1) I really like my job; 2) I don't think I could survive at home; 3) We're not fiscally ready for me to be a full-time feminist mom and make zero dollars. Perhaps if I found a perfect way to work from home as an activist, then I'd reconsider. Or if the hubby got a fab raise of like $40K. *hahaha*
I want to be a good role model for my kids, like Holly wants, like my mom was for us. I want to show them that if you really like something, to go for it. That they are the center of my universe, but NOT my entire universe. I don't want to have my kids grow up and think they have me at their beck-n-call or for me to wake up and realize I don't know the man sleeping next to me.
Thru-out this pregnancy (and before) the hubby & I keep promising each other that we will NOT stop being married & in love. We will not forgo our relationship for the kids. We will not sacrifice our love, time together, or our friendship for one of the kids. We realize (after seeing a few examples in real life) that, hopefully, one day we'll be right back where we started: just him & me. And what fun will that be if we don't know each other?
So to anyone who thinks that you have to choose your kids or you're a bad mom, fuck off. Mothers are female human beings with a child. We are humans. We are women. We just happen to have a kid. Doesn't make us any better than our childfree sisters and it doesn't make us any more responsible for the injusts in this world. I will still stand tall against injustice after Paris, just as I did before.
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( 10:24 AM )
Pictures from the baby shower are up! I kinda screwed up the index, but go right to the pics!
Also, here are a few pics from a counterdemonstration I was at a few weeks ago:
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( 11:43 PM )
What kerri wants, kerri gets:
That's me and the hubby outside his parents house on July 5th. The weird look on my face is due to the fact that it's sunny outside and I removed my sunglasses. The pic was taken just shy of 37 weeks. I'm working on putting up another photo album or two on my main site. So take a peek this weekend. Also, my mother blessing is tomorrow and my baby shower is Sunday, so there should be plenty of pics next week. I'll post them if I'm not pushing Paris out.
I did visit my midwives today and they think Paris will be at least another week since Paris hasn't really made a move for the exit.
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( 9:44 AM )
Thanks for the comments on the names, grrls. Ah...another discussion to anticipate. It really can't get much harder around here. Paris has taken up residency in my ribs.
Last night about 10 pm, I started to get this pain on my left side. It lasted for about 30 mins before I called my midwife. Sounds like Paris just found a comfy spot that isn't comfy for mama. *sigh* Paris also seems to like to stretch every so often from said spot - I swear Paris cracked a rib last night.
I jinxed myself yesterday morning. The hubby mentioned that his mom was feeling bad cause she remembers the pain of the last few weeks. I said, "I'm actually feeling pretty good!" So good that Liz asked me to a baseball game and I accepted...only for me to decline today. Ah...now I think I'm at the point where I can say, "I cannot wait for this baby to get out!"
The highlight of yesterday was Heather coming over to drop off goodies including a baby wrap and an adorable card. Paris is gonna look so cute in that wrap. Heather's visit with practical gift in tow and then showing off Paris' room got me antsy for Paris to arrice. Now I'm just wanting Paris to get outta my rib cage. 10 days...that's what the countdown says. My gut is starting to tell me it'll be longer. oy!
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( 1:23 PM )
*drumroll*
I think we finally decided on names! Alert the media!
The whole picking a name thing was really getting on my last nerve. Mostly because the hubby kept finding a new one to consider. Add to that if you made a venn diagram of the names I like and the ones he likes, my circle would eat up his circle. Basically, he didn't really like many of the names I did or at least the combinations I liked.
Then a few weeks ago it hit me. I really do want Paris to have my last name. That took the hubby for a shock and a half. So after a week of some good fighting, I gave in. Paris will be saddled with just one last name. The hubby refuses to discuss it without being an ass nor without making me feel like a complete bitch. So in my on-going quest to be the martyr in our relationship, I give in. It came down to whether or not it was *that* important to me to continue fighting and it's not. I'd be the happiest grrl in the world if he gave into a double last name, but I also won't be the saddest grrl in the world if he doesn't. Thus my disappointment over the last name is less than his would be.
So what are the names, you're yelling...ok, here they are. Remember I'm pregnant (i.e. chock full of hormones) and the hubby's prone to change his mind - a lot.
Nicholas Alexander M*
Elizabeth Leilani M*
In the end, I got the name I wanted for a girl. While not my #1 choice, it fit all the requirements: 1) First name can be shortened & to a boys name (Eli) and 2) One of the names is unusual, yet pretty. The boys name the hubby came up with way back in January. No matter what others we thought of, Nicholas was always in the top 3. So that makes me one happy momma.
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( 1:29 PM )
Thanks to kerri, my zine dealer, I'm obsessed with mama zines. I got my second issue of Viva la Mama! yesterday and gobbled it down.
It's interesting to read women who became radical with the birth of their children, to read others who like me are only becoming more radical, and to just plain read about moms who are doing more than just be taxi drivers for their kids.
The more and more I think of my mom's curse on me, I swear I'm gonna get the prissy lil girl who acts more like Alex P. Keaton than her momma. I guess as long as she knows how to climb a tree, I'll be happy.
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( 11:07 AM )
My hubby is insane and impatient. He swore up and down yesterday that Paris was coming this morning. Well, guess he was wrong. *giggle*
He's convinced that Paris is coming on the new moon, which is actually tonight. *sigh* The hubby is also very sweet and wants to be totally prepared for when I tell him it's time. But this leads to him not getting much sleep the past few nights. I keep telling him that he needs to sleep cause well, we could be up for hours waiting for this one to come out.
I'm scared to death about the actual process of labor, but I also know that Paris is gonna take it's own sweet time to get here. No amount of pushing by daddy is gonna work. Heck, I was almost 2 weeks late...my mother's curse is gonna work. I'm going to give birth to a lil me. Stubborn.
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( 11:48 AM )
One of my biggest fears about being a mother was that my nose wouldn't wait for me. See I have some terrible allergies, year-round, I usually have tissue on me or near me. Somedays I'm so stuffy that I really can't breathe thru my nose and thus, can't smell. The best idea of having a baby is being able to smell the lil bugger. Then I read an article about a woman who also had terrible allergies and by her second kid she had lost her ability to smell. It just was gone.
That concept totally freaked me out.
I really started to think that it's not a question of me being too old, too tired, too busy to have a kid, but more of my nose just giving out. How can I have a baby and not be able to smell it? *head spinning*
Thankfully, I can state that one of the side effects of having Paris is that my ability to smell has gotten better. My allergies, for the most part, have been great. Smelling still has its moments, but on the good days, it's much better!
In the past few weeks, I've rediscovered some of my fave smells that just went unnoticed before. I love the smell of the lake - even that fish are dying smell/algae smell. When I use to work on fish in a lab, even if I didn't have to go back to where the fish were, I'd still go back there just to smell them. I also love that smell of small animals - or its their packing that smells good to me. That pet store smell. Ah....now I'm just waiting, no, I can't wait to have my midwife toss Paris on me and me just taking one hell of a breath in and smelling Paris.
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( 3:14 PM )
I usually don't bring my politics into Paris' blog, but today is different. Today I attended a counterdemonstration downtown. It's the annual "Face the Truth Tour" by the Pro-Life Action League. What they basically do is blow up pictures (real? doctored?) that are gross and stand on street corners. So I went with some local pro-choice groups.
I'm 8+ months pregnant...visibly pregnant is an understatement. What I found interesting is that it was the MEN who questioned me being there. Apparently the anti-choice men can't wrap their poor lil heads around the idea of a pro-choice pregnant woman. They kept asking, "Why keep this one?" as if being pro-choice means I want everyone to have an abortion. *sigh* Someone even told me that if I wanted, I could still have an abortion...apparently believing in the idea of late-term abortions being done for the hell of it. I gave them all a piece of my mind, but ended up leaving it at "I wanted this child, so I'm having this child."
I can feel Paris move, hiccup, roll, kick, and basically live. I gave Paris my body to use for nine months. I chose to do that. It's that simple.
At the risk of sounding sexist, I have to say that the arguments that the men used were just silly. They have no idea at all what it means to carry a pregnancy to term, to have to face that idea, to have to make a choice. The men kept saying, just have the baby...give it up for adoption. Easy for them to say when they don't have to go thru pregnancy. They will never have to go thru labor and hear a baby cry, only to say good-bye to it. Yes, adoption is an option, but it's not as simple as their lil brains think it is. I can handle anti-choice women...some of them have a good debate, but most anti-choice men have no logic.
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( 1:34 PM )
Paris Pool Update:
So far one person has fallen from the pool. Sorrento, who picked July 5th. And can I say that I'm so glad she didn't win? Not that I have a thing against Sorrento, but July 5th just seemed far too early for Paris & me.
Next pick isn't until July 24th...I guess Paris needs to wait until at least then, eh?
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( 10:00 AM )
t-minus three weeks...
In all the mommy books that I've read, it's definately getting close. Not just on the calendar or the countdown, but according to me. I'm feeling a tad nesty - I packed a few things last night at 11 pm. I'm also reacting like this is the end of the semester. I'm cramming. CRAMMING for a baby!
I pulled out my Bradley workbook, Hipmama, and Our Bodies Ourselves last night to reread or just plain read the giving birth sections.
I also got a tad of morning sickness today. I hate it...I get up with just enough time to do everything I need to do. So when I wake up queezy, let my tummy settle down, and then get ready for work, I lose all my time for breakfast. And this mama-to-be needs her breakfast. *sigh*
The heat hasn't been too much trouble for me. On the 4th, I nearly fainted, but that was before we turned our air on. I'm ok now. Air at home, air at work, air in the car = happy Roni. What pisses me off is that I even need the air. Usually I'm the one out in the heat & sun, soaking it all in. I barely look like I've been in the sun! A pastey Roni is not a happy Roni.
But Paris is moving - a lot. And that's a good sign. The hubby will install the car seat tonight, I'll finish packing for Paris & myself, and we'll just about be set. We have the list of numbers to call on our way to the hospital.
Some women complain that their biological clock is ticking too loud, I can't imagine it being louder than the Paris countdown clock. TICK-TOCK-TICK-TOCK
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( 10:49 AM )
My sister is as crazy as my husband.
I just called to say hi to her and see what she's up to for the weekend. Not only is it 4th of July, but she's turning 26. So I call and tell her that I'm just plain tired...which I am. Then I dunno what I said, but she thinks I'm going into labor...I think it was me asking if she was busy. *shaking head*
I've got 4 more weeks to go, maybe less, maybe more. But it's going to be hell. I have a sister & a husband who think each stretch, yawn, or tweak I get is a labor pain.
I am plain tired thou. I guess I must be looking tired as well cause the hubby told me that if I wanted to, I could take a week off of work before Paris arrives. I've been saying that I'm working until this bugger decides to pop out, but the past few days, my energy level is just kaput. Who knows...maybe I'll take a few days before my due date off. I just don't want to 'waste' time at home, when I could spend it with Paris afterwards. What I really need is a big glass of OJ in the morning...but no...*sigh*
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