( 10:07 AM )
I love fairy tales. I use to have a copy of Grimm's Fairy Tales as a kid. I loved reading that book. The tales I loved most were the ones that we're turned into Disney movies or cartoons. I can't recall the titles of them, but I really liked them. So what's a good feminist mommy-to-be to do? Get Rapunzel's Revenge - feminist fairy tales.
I thought that I might be able to find one good short story to read to Paris now and when I'm breast-feeding. So I've been reading them one at a time to Paris to see which sound and feel right. Well last night I read one about a woman who wanted to live in London. She finally did it, got there, became a fabu stock broker and became mayor of London. The hubby could NOT believe I was reading that to Paris. "It's too much for it's lil head!" It was also the most uber-feminist tale I had read so far. Even I was laughing while I was reading it. But you know what? It wasn't more far-fetched than a giant bean stalk - ok maybe that would happen first before a truly honest female stock broker became mayor of London.
I still hope to get another edition of Grimm's fairy tales to read to Paris after Paris is born. I'll skip the really gorey, bloody tales. I just want Paris to have some balance in its life.
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( 9:24 PM )
As promised:
click for a larger view of Paris.
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( 5:26 PM )
Friday was GOING to be the big ultrasound. But the doctor who would have done it was helping another woman in labor. So my midwife played around with the ultrasound and took some pics of Paris. We did NOT go down there - so we still have no idea if Paris is a prince or a princess.
The best part of the ultrasound was that Paris is ACTIVE!! Paris even waved at us...it was too beautiful. I got all teary. Paris is really kicking it up in me. The hubby can even feel it now. It's so much fun! I can't wait to hold Paris.
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( 5:09 PM )
Divorce Advice And Marriage Advice - Equality in Marriage Institute
This is an organization that was founded by one woman highlighted The Price of Motherhood. Interesting stuff in here. Now to dive right in!
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( 10:31 AM )
I'm almost done with The Price of Motherhood. It's more and more scary, but it also pisses the shit outta me! Our whole fucking society is well, FUCKED! I had never sat down and thought of how motherhood is NOT really taken seriously in this country and who little it is valued. From Social Security to the mommy-tax, mothers are just spat upon in this country.
I know moms are tired, swamped, and have a million other things to do, but we (I'll join the club soon enough) gotta get our asses in gear and fight for some gawd damn rights! Here are some interesting & scary tidbits from the book:
* (p. 123) Experiments with a negative income tax - a cash stipend for low-income families - were conducted in several US Cities...they showed that poor families getting moderate grants from the government tended to break up significantly more often than families not receiving such grants. Apparently, the money reduced wives' financial dependence on their husbands & increased the probability that an unhappy wife would pack her bags...and leave. The project leader...labeled this the "independence" effect." One scholar...suggested that to prevent the independence effect, perhaps the payments should be added to the husband's paychecks instead of mailed to the home, where the wife could get her hands on them."
* (p. 166) "According to the Department of Labor, families would ned a 26 percent increase in income to stay even with one child. But what generally happens when a child arrives is that the family's income goes down just when it needs to go up, because one parents, almost always the mother, usually decides to cut back on paid work."
* (p. 174) "Fathers' rights activists take the position that no child is entitled to a fixed percentage of their income. Just as family law holds that a divorced man only has to provide a long-term wife with what she "needs" or "his" money, fathers' rights groups argue that a noncustodial father's income is his alone. His children are entitled only to what they "need" in terms of bare-bones expenses."
I won't continue to transcribe the book for you. If you are a mom, a wife, or thinking of entering any of those realms, get this book. It's scary as shit, but we need it. Know the man you're entering into these relationships with. Some may think this book is too scary, that it's anti-male, and blahblah...but she does cover the daddy-tax (p. 105: A man who does his fatherly duties can expect to make at least 15-20% less than if he just ignored his kids.). These issues aren't just about women, but also children of divorces and well the way our society forces men to choose between being the provider & the loving father.
And Cinnamon...you can have my copy to read after I'm done.
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( 1:18 PM )
The hubby finally cracked the case of the biggest question we get nowadays - "So are you/is she craving anything yet?"
I didn't think I was, just that when I'm hungry, I have a pretty good idea of what I want to eat & I must have that. Saturday a couple of friends called & invited us to go out for dinner. I immediately said CHINESE FOOD! The hubby laughed and said, "That's your craving!" I had us go for Chinese food only a few weeks before that - I insisted on it.
I ordered some Cashew Chicken, but I think it's really Sweet And Sour Chicken that I'm craving. The Cashew chicken just didn't hit the spot the way the hubby's Sweet & Sour chicken did. There are leftovers in the fridge and I hope to get my hands on some for lunch tomorrow. The funny thing is that I really didn't eat Chinese food that often pre-Paris.
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( 8:58 AM )
I visited a friend yesterday who has an 8-week old infant. She's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. She seems to love it when the hubby or I hold her. Our friends say she's usually more fussy with other people. *swoon*
Then it hit me...she's 8 weeks old! 8 weeks! That's about the time that I am thinking of going back to work after having Paris. *thud*
How can I do that? Is it right? Can I? She's so tiny...well, actually big for her age...and Paris will be tiny as well. *sigh*
I'm reading The Price of Motherhood for class and I have to say that before yesterday it was scaring me. Every woman who thinks they may be a mom one day should read it. It's scary. I might even dare to say that if I had read this a year ago, I might not be pregnant right now. It's that scary. The book not only outlines the way society is created to keep moms in the home, but also how it strips her of her money, her independence, and helps her partner revert (if he was enlightened) to a cave-man father expecting her to do it all. I still have about 1/3 to finish...but I'm too scared to go on.
Paris vs. my career...that's how it feels. I know it's not the truth, but it feels that way. I should be going to St. Louis on Friday to interview for a spot in a fellowship program. I even shelled out $60 for a conservative navy dress suit yesterday. Now I'm thinking of pulling out of the running. I'm sure I'm going to get it. But will I be able to do it? It costs $3500, move to St. Louis, the hubby quits his job, find a new apartment - all FOUR WEEKS after Paris arrives. I just don't think I can do that. Too much of a financial & baby sacrifice. It's sad cause I've wanted this fellowship for a couple of years and I can't help but wonder what could have been if Paris wasn't on it's way. Or even if Paris was coming earlier (planned, not premie!). It's not Paris' fault...it's mine. And it's life being unfair again. Oh, well...on to the next challenge.
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( 10:13 AM )
I watched George's speech last night. Afterwards all I could do was to rub my growing belly and say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for not being able to stop this bloody war.
I'm sorry for bringing you into a world like this.
I'm sorry for the burden that you'll have to bear.
I'm not sorry that we'll teach you about peace.
I'm not sorry that we'll teach you to speak out.
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( 11:09 AM )
My sister is planning the baby shower. This will be the baby shower with mostly family & my parents' friends. The hubby & I are dreading it.
See, the family that will be there are the sort of family that has no idea who I am. They just think I'm the sell-out who moved to the big bad city. At least that's how *I* think they see me. They don't call, they don't send cards, they're just family. But not family, you know?
My dad is also going nuts over it. He's pushing my sister to send out invites like last month. He has no idea it's a little early to send them out. Silly, man. I can understand his anxiousnous about it. It's his baby's baby shower. And I think it's cute.
This all is making me think of how I see family. As well as how I want to frame the concept of family to Paris. I want Paris to address Cinnamon & Andrew as Aunt & Uncle...with of course the ability to just call them by their first names, if they want. I want Paris to think of them as an aunt & uncle - the same as Paris would think of my sisters. I want Paris to learn early on to cherish their friends and to love them. Not to keep them in a box labeled FRIENDS and never shall family & friends meet. I know I won't be able to give Paris all Paris will need. How can a mom help a kid learn how to fake a cold so they can come home early? That's a friend's job!
I want Paris to know that monny can't give daddy everything he needs either. That Uncle Dan & Ian sometimes are the people Daddy needs to talk to about life or work. In my Gender & Women's Studies class, we're discussing the idea of dependence vs. independence vs. inter-dependence. I want Paris to know s/he can lean on me, can depend on me, but to depend on others and to depend on her/himself.
We don't get to where we want to go by ourselves, but I can't do Paris' homework either. I think in a rush to make me so independent, my family didn't really instill the idea that I do need them. As I get older and now that I'm pregnant, I realize that. Maybe I blocked out that idea as hypocritical. Silly girl. I want to raise someone like me, but not like me. gah! This is just too much to handle somedays.
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( 12:51 PM )
Dagnabit! Yesterday while rubbing my left side to get rid of a muscle spasm, I swear I felt Paris moving. It didn't feel like a muscle spasm, but more like something was rubbing against my skin. yikes!
Do I really have a lil being inside of me? *shudder*
This is just getting weirder and weirder folks. Next thing I know you'll be calling me a MOM. *faint*
Seriously, it keeps getting more & more real. I keep thinking that soon enough, I'll be a mommy to someone. What? They really need to have guidelines...I can barely take care of myself! I still need my mommy!
Feel free to slap the hysterical pregnant chick...The hubby would probably appreciate the help.
I did finally make a CD for Paris last night. Because Paris has been so active, I hope that the soothing songs will help to keep Paris calm. Sure, I want to make sure Paris is still in there, but the last two days, Paris has been a hellion! Kerri thinks that Paris may also be upset over recent Congressional actions & the pending war. Good theory, Kerri.
Now I present, Music for Paris vol. 1:
Sting - Dolphins of the World (Dolphins soundtrack)
Dar Williams - Iowa
Moby - God Moving Across the Face of the Waters
Natalie Merchant - Wonder (hopefully a boy Paris will enjoy this song!)
Norah Jones - 7 years
Sting - Mad About You (The Living Sea soundtrack)
Dar Williams - The One Who Knows
I burned the CD so it repeats once. If you have other soothing music, I'll take requests. The hubby is going to work on one as well. I'll let him pick the classical stuff.
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( 2:40 PM )
Does this make me feel all wimpy? My midwife has concluded that I may have the flu, I'm a tad achey, and my money's on the fact that she'll make me stay home tomorrow. What a lil wimp I am!
"Trung Trac and Trung Nhi, sisters and widows of Vietnamese aristocrats, led a major uprising against Chinese invaders in AD 39. Trung Trac ruled for four years before the Chinese conquered Vietnam again, but resistance continued for the next 1,000 years. Many women figured in the resistance, notably Phung Thi Chinh, who fought while pregnant, paused to give birth, and rejoined the fight with her baby on her back."
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( 11:36 AM )
2 Chicago dolphins are preggers! Glad to hear that other expectant mommas in the animal kingdom get as sluggish as I feel some days. Last night was a bad night with Paris. Around 2 am I couldn't get comfy and Paris kept pushing on my inards...thus making me take about 4 trips to the bathroom in 2 hours. At 4 am, I was thinking of just staying up cause I didn't think I could get back to sleep. Thankfully the goddess threw a lil sleepy dust in my eyes. Now to get some goddess help with this damn muscle cramps. *hmph!*
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( 2:17 PM )
Those of you who read my other blog, know that Paris has been really rallying the troops lately. My mother leads me to believe that because I jumped a lot and Paris is jumping a lot, that Paris is a girl. Of course, she also ends every call with "give my lil princess kisses." My dad on the other hand, thinks that Paris is just excited that spring training games have started. He also ended our last call with "don't let the lil guy miss Saturday's game on TV!"
I really want Paris to be a girl. I have always enjoyed the fact that I don't have a brother. But in my dreams, I have a son & a daughter. Yet, I fear the older brother situation for my daughter. I saw far too many girlfriends with big bros who were just awful & too protective. Just about everyone wants a lil girl too. My dad...my dad is finally showing his cards. He wants a boy. After 3 girls, he wants his lil boy.
My younger sis & I always use to say that whoever gets the boy first is going to have my dad in her pocket forever. My mom, goddess bless her, tries to tell us that it doesn't really matter to him. That all he wants is a grandbaby. Now that I'm half way (!) thru my pregnancy, we all know the truth. He's DYING for a boy.
I know he loves us all very much, but I know that he's been disappointed that he never got his lil boy. Thus, I'm predicting that Paris is a boy. I'll be a little disappointed, but not as much if Paris doesn't have his/her daddy's dimples. I mean, what did I marry him for, if not for those dimples? *giggle*
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